The Second Influence: Modeling

The second way we are conditioned is called modeling. What
were your parents or guardians like in the arena of money
when you were growing up? Did one or both of them manage
their money well or did they mismanage it? Were they
spenders or savers? Were they shrewd investors or were they
noninvestors? Were they risk takers or conservative?
Was money consistently there or was the flow more sporadic?
Did money come easily in your family, or was it always a
struggle? Was money a source of joy in your household or the
cause of bitter arguments?
Why is this information important? You’ve probably heard
the saying “Monkey see, monkey do.” Well, humans aren’t far
behind. As kids, we learn just about everything from modeling.
Although most of us would hate to admit it, there’s more
than a grain of truth in the old saying “The apple doesn’t fall
too far from the tree.”
This reminds me of the story about a woman who prepares
a ham for dinner by cutting off both ends. Her bewildered
husband asks why she cuts off the ends. She replies, “That’s
how my mom cooked it.” Well, it just so happened that her
mom was coming for dinner that night. So they asked her why
she cut off the ends of the ham. Mom replies, “That’s how my
mom cooked it.” So they decide to call Grandma on the phone
and ask why she cut off the ends of the ham. Her answer?
“Because my pan was too small!”
The point is that generally speaking, we tend to be identical
to one or a combination of our parents in the arena of money.
For example, my dad was an entrepreneur. He was in the
home-building business. He built anywhere from a dozen to a
hundred homes per project. Each project took a huge amount
of capital investment. My dad would have to put up everything
we had and borrow heavily from the bank until the homes
were sold and the cash came through. Consequently, at the
beginning of each project, we had no money and were in debt
up to our eyeballs.
As you can imagine, during this period my dad was not in
the best of moods nor was generosity his strong suit. If I asked
him for anything that cost even a penny, his standard reply
after the usual “What am I, made of money?” was “Are you
crazy?” Of course, I wouldn’t get a dime, but what I would get
was that “Don’t even think of asking again” glare. I’m sure you
know the one.
This scenario would last for about a year or two until the
homes were finally sold. Then, we’d be rolling in dough. All of
a sudden, my dad was a different person. He’d be happy, kind,
and extremely generous. He’d come over and ask me if I
needed a few bucks. I felt like giving him his glare back, but I
wasn’t that stupid so I just said, “Sure, Dad, thanks,” and
rolled my eyes.
Life was good... until that dreaded day when he’d come
home and announce, “I found a good piece of land. We’re
going to build again.” I distinctly remember saying, “Great,
Dad, good luck,” as my heart sank, knowing the struggle that
was about to unfold again.
This pattern lasted from the time I could remember, when I
was about six, until the age of twenty-one, when I moved out
of my parents’ house for good. Then it stopped, or so I
thought.
At twenty-one years of age, I finished school and became,
you guessed it, a builder. I then went on to several other types
of project-based businesses. For some strange reason, I’d
make a small fortune, but just a short time later, I’d be broke.
I’d get into another business and believe I was on top of the
world again, only to hit bottom a year later.
This up-and-down pattern went on for nearly ten years
before I realized that maybe the problem wasn’t the type of
business I was choosing, the partners I was choosing, the
employees I had, the state of the economy, or my decision to
take time off and relax when things were going well. I finally
recognized that maybe, just maybe, I was unconsciously reliving
my dad’s up-and-down income pattern.
All I can say is, thank goodness I learned what you’re
learning in this book and was able to recondition myself out of
that “yo-yo” model and into having a consistently growing
income. Today, the urge to change when things are going well
(and to sabotage myself in the process) still comes up. But
now, there’s another file in my mind that observes this feeling
and says, “Thank you for sharing; now let’s get refocused and
back to work.”
Another example comes from one of my seminars in Orlando,
Florida. As usual, people were filing up to the stage, one
by one, to get an autograph and say hello or thank you or
whatever. I’ll never forget one older gentleman because he
came up sobbing. He could barely catch his breath and kept
wiping his tears with his sleeve. I asked him what was wrong.
He said, “I’m sixty-three years old and I’ve been reading books
and going to seminars since they were invented. I’ve seen
every speaker and tried everything they taught. I’ve tried
stocks, real estate, and been in over a dozen different
businesses. I went back to university and got an MBA. I’ve got
more knowledge than ten average men, yet I’ve never made it
financially. I’d always get a good start but end up emptyhanded,
and in all those years I never knew why. I thought I
must just be plain old stupid... until today.
“Finally, after listening to you and doing the processes, it all
makes sense. There’s nothing wrong with me. I just had my
dad’s money blueprint stuck in my head and that’s been my
nemesis. My dad went through the heart of the Depression
era. Every day he would try getting jobs or selling things and
come home empty-handed. I wish I would have the day you

win your financial freedom. Then, by virtue of the
law of intention, that’s exactly what you will get.
Earlier we said that most of us tend to be identical to one or
both parents in the arena of money, but there’s also the flip
side of the coin. Some of us end up being exactly the opposite
of one or both parents. Why would that happen? Do the
words anger and rebellion ring a bell? In short, it just depends on
how ticked off you were at them.
Unfortunately, as little kids we can’t say to our parents,
“Mom and Dad, have a seat. I’d like to discuss something with
you. I’m not fond of the way you’re managing your money or,
for that matter, your lives, and therefore, when I become an
adult, I’ll be doing things quite differently. I hope you
understand. Good night now and pleasant dreams.”
No, no, no, it doesn’t go quite that way. Instead, when our
buttons are pushed, we generally freak out and what comes
out sounds more like “I hate you. I’ll never be like you. When
I grow up, I’m gonna be rich. Then I’ll get whatever I want
whether you like it or not.” Then we run to our bedroom, slam
the door, and start pounding our pillow or whatever else is at
hand, to vent our frustration.
Many people who come from poor families become angry
and rebellious about it. Often they either go out and get rich or
at least have the motivation to do so. But there’s one little
hiccup, which is actually a big burp. Whether such people get
rich or work their buns off trying to become successful, they
are not usually happy. Why? Because the root of their wealth
or motivation for money is anger and resentment.
Consequently, money and anger become linked in their minds,
and the more money such individuals have or strive for, the
angrier they get.

Eventually, the higher self says, “I’m tired of being angry
and stressed out. I just want to be peaceful and happy.” So
they ask the same mind that created the link what to do about
this situation. To which their mind answers, “If you want to
get rid of your anger, you’re going to have to get rid of your
money.” So they do. They subconsciously get rid of their
money.

They overspend or make a poor investment decision or get
a financially disastrous divorce, or they sabotage their success
in some other way. But no matter, because now these folks are
happy. Right? Wrong! Things are even worse because now
they’re not just angry, they’re broke and angry. They got rid of
the wrong thing!
They got rid of the money instead of the anger, the fruit
instead of the root. Meanwhile, the real issue is, and always
was, the anger between them and their parents. And until that
anger is resolved, they will never be truly happy or peaceful
regardless of how much money they have or don’t have.
The reason or motivation you have for making money or
creating success is vital. If your motivation for acquiring
money or success comes from a nonsupportive root such as
fear, anger, or the need to “prove” yourself, your money will
never bring you happiness.

WEALTH PRINCIPLE:
If your motivation for acquiring money or success
comes from a nonsupportive root such as fear,
anger, or the need to “prove” yourself, your money
will never bring you happiness.

~ Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T. Harv Eker